the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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