My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
