So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
