It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
