do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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