Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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