That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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