the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
