he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
