you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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