everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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