there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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