I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
sex in a hospital.. check
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize