thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize