For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
