you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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