found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
