2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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