I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize