he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
