The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
