Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
