my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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