just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
