For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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