When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
