So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
