I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize