Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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