Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
