So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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