how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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