omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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