I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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