we have pet lesbian snakes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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