hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
