Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
