Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
