remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
