I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize