Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize