We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Pooping to opera.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
