no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
