Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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