She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
