I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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