apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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