well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
