He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
