I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
