This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
