Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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