are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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