youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
