he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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