Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
