Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
