3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
