I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
