So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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