Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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