she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
