i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
