my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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