He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
